I don't know why, but I've been reflecting on things a lot lately.When I visit the blogs that I love, blogs that make me feel happy or inspire me, my spirits will be lifted and I find myself wanting to sew, bake, or create something.
But sometimes I'm left feeling totally inadequate in every way. Not because I want to be exactly like the author of the blog - I'm happy being me - but just because I never feel 'good enough'. I can't explain why.
I know that we all share the edited highlights of our lives on our blogs, no one out there has a peachy-perfect life.
I don't want to be perfect, which is just as well as I never will be! I know I'll never sew anything that will be fault free, or bake a cake that will look fantastic, but I do try to improve. I like that I try to improve and will always give things a try.
For example, at long last cookies look and taste as I've always dreamt they would. It's taken years of trying, but I really feel as if I'm getting there.
I don't want this to read as a melancholy or depressing blog entry, because it isn't how I'm feeling. If anything I'm feeling quite optimistic about life. I had a letter this week telling me of changes to come, and while not unexpected or even bad, it's made me really think about things and look at myself and wonder how I can use the coming change to improve myself. Make me a better person, a better wife, a better mother. There is always room for improvement.My top priority is to be the best Mum I can be. That will always be the most important thing in my life. My daughter fills my heart with such joy and happiness, that I want to make sure she knows how much I love her.
So I thought I'd make a little list of goals that I have. Nothing big or dramatic, simply a few things that I'd like to achieve, starting this year. - To be a great mum!
- The house still needs work to make it feel as cosy and 'vintagey' as I'd like. It's very much a work in progress.
- I'm setting myself a challenge to learn something new this year. I'm thinking crochet. I'm going to get a book, some hooks and some wool, and get working. Not just yet though. It's a project aimed to start in May or June.
- To have a bit of courage. I've changed quite a bit since I started blogging back in 2001. Back then I shared a lot more, but after a few unsavoury incidents, I'm more guarded. I won't change that when it comes to Gorgeous Girl, I'll always keep her name and face private, but perhaps one day I'll get the courage to show a photo of myself that hasn't been edited to within an inch of its life! (I just look better post edit)
I've made a start, and linked up to my twitter page. That actually took quite a bit of courage to do. - continue to bake and cook. I'm trying to teach my Little One to love and understand food. I'm all for short cuts, but it is such a great feeling to make things from scratch.
- Work on my Quest to cook at least on recipe from every cookbook I own. Not as easy as it sounds, I have a lot of cookbooks. I was doing pretty well, then I discovered Amazon and feeding my addiction for books meant the collection has swollen greatly. But, I'm going to start doing it again. On Thursday I ordered the newest cookbook by the [Hairy Bikers], and it arrived on Friday morning (well done Amazon! Impressed). I just love the Hairy Bikers, don't you? Their enthusiasm for cooking is infectious, and they are such nice and happy blokes. I'm so happy they're back on telly again.
I'm making meatballs in gravy for the husband tomorrow night. I know he's going to love it.
It may not be 'Julie & Julia' (watched it recently and loved and enjoyed it so much!), but it's still something I really want to do, and the film reminded me that I'd made this pledge years ago and let it slide.
One lifetime, one ton of cookbooks, one recipe from each!
I'll do my best. - Totally selfish, but am so going to buy a Cath Kidston handbag soon.
- ditto above, really want to own a Barbour wax jacket. Can't believe I've gone for so long without one. I've wanted one since I was about 19. I wonder if they do them in pink yet?
- Continue on all crafts that I enjoy to do, and to improve on them. Perhaps, one day, to set up a shop on Folksy and sell a few things. Gosh. Can't believe I've just put that out there, as I am not sure about it at all.
- stop worrying about stupid stuff
- enjoy each and every day, no matter what's thrown at me.
So there we have it. The kind of thing that whirrs and rattles around my mind each day.
I hope it makes sense. That change isn't always bad, and that even if you are happy being yourself, you can improve on who you are, simply reassess, or just set a few new goals. It's never too late to become the person you want to be. Somtimes it takes reading other people's blogs to make you realise you want to make improvements.
Thank you for taking time to read this rambling post. and have a lovely Sunday :o)